Do I Have Relationship Anxiety or Am I With the Wrong Person?

You love them—but you’re have doubts. Is it you? Or is it the relationship?

You replay conversations, second-guess they’re behavior (and yours) and wonder if something’s wrong with you for not feeling settled. One moment you're daydreaming about your future together. The next, you're stuck in a spiral of “what ifs.”

If you’re struggling to trust yourself in love, you're not alone. And you’re not broken. You're navigating the confusing intersection between relationship anxiety and legitimate misalignment

But how do you know the difference?

What Is Relationship Anxiety?

Relationship anxiety refers to chronic doubts, fears or unease that show up in otherwise safe, healthy partnerships. It’s not always about the person you're with—it’s often about the patterns you bring with you.

You might experience:
🌿Overthinking everything your partner says or does
🌿Worry that you’re “settling” or don’t feel the spark
🌿Fear of being abandoned or fear of being “trapped”
🌿Constantly questioning, “Is this normal?”

These feelings can be overwhelming—even in relationships that seem “fine” on the outside. And they can lead to a painful inner tug-of-war where you ruminate about whether your sabotaging something good or if your anxiety is trying to tell you something important.

What Causes Relationship Anxiety?

Relationship anxiety doesn’t just appear out of nowhere. It often stems from:

- Attachment wounds
- Perfectionism
- Low self-worth
- Emotional neglect, betrayal or inconsistency in past relationships

Signs You May Be Experiencing Relationship Anxiety (Not a Mismatch)

If the following feels familiar, you may be struggling with relationship anxiety—not necessarily the wrong partner:
🌿You felt good about the relationship until it started getting serious
🌿You tend to idealize or devalue your partner in cycles
🌿You often ask your partner or others for reassurance about your relationship
🌿You feel safe and connected at times—but then panic that it’s not enough
🌿You constantly worry that you're "settling," even if you can't explain why
🌿You’ve experienced these same doubts in past relationships

But What If I'm With the Wrong Person?

Relationship anxiety can sometimes point to real misalignment—especially if you find yourself shrinking, doubting your values or consistently feeling unheard.

Red flags:
🌿You feel anxious and emotionally unsafe around them
🌿You’ve expressed your needs, but they’re consistently dismissed
🌿 You don’t trust them—and not because of your past, but because of their behavior
🌿 You feel more lonely with them than when you’re alone
🌿Your anxiety is trying to protect you, not sabotage you

How Do You Tell the Difference?

This is the hardest part—and why so many Denver women seek out relationship therapy with us at the Women’s Counseling Center of Denver.

Questions to ask:
- Do your fears tend to spike when you feel emotionally close?
- Have you had similar anxiety in past healthy relationships?
- When you’re grounded (after journaling, therapy, or rest), do you still feel the same way?
- Do your fears sound like your younger self, not your present self?

Why Therapy Helps You Sort This Out (Faster and More Compassionately)

Trying to navigate all this in your head is exhausting. Friends mean well, but often say things like:
- “If you’re questioning it, that’s your answer.”
- “You just need to relax and stop overthinking.”
- “Trust your gut.”

But your “gut” might be wired for fear. Or perfectionism. Or loss.

This is where therapy—especially with a women’s therapist who understands relationship anxiety—can be a game-changer.

Our Approach to Relationship Counseling in Denver

We combine here-and-now tools (like CBT) to calm your nervous system and stop spirals with deeper, insight-oriented work (psychodynamic therapy) to help you understand where your anxiety comes from—and what it’s trying to protect.

You don’t have to end a healthy relationship to feel at peace.

And you don’t have to stay just to avoid being “too much.”

You deserve a relationship—and a mindset—that feels calmer, more connected and true to who you are.

Next Step: Let’s Talk

If you’re tired of spinning in circles wondering if it’s you or them… you don’t have to keep doing this alone.

🔘 Schedule a free 20-minute consultation
🔘 Meet with one of our women’s therapists in Denver (or virtually throughout Colorado)
🔘 Start building the clarity, peace and confidence in yourself that you’ve been craving